Let’s make a cost-benefit analysis. So, you’re telling me that I can spend an entire life for the benefit of making meaningfully meaningless perceived artisanal products? I won’t lie, I like the sound of that. I am fairly self-absorbitant, so it’s hard for me to enjoy anything that doesn’t fulfill my niche-requisites. I’ve even had…
The Technocrat Traphouse
There’s a ball pit in here for the children. It’s a sort of Neverland. “Look, mommy, this one’s blue!” I met with my old school acquaintance the other day, Mr. Napa Valley. Oh yeah? That wine tastes nutty, Mr. Napa Valley? Woah, man, that’s crazy and guess what? You’re nutty, and that’s called projecting. I…
Trombone ED
I’m so tired. I’m so tired, I’m satired. So how about we let me be a goody goofy two-shoed beatnik beat poet for one week and one week only? Instead of a two-bit armpit of a funny cynic satirist git with an axe to grind on his writing shift. Everything must go for at least…
Chicken Smol
So, let’s say, hypothetically, that the sky was falling. Let’s also say, in equal likelihood, that the sky was blue. Given that the sky is blue and that the sky is falling, one might metaphorically liken the sky to a drop of water. The thing that the poets have purposefully ignored is that, in actuality,…
Sexy boy read big book
I am. I’m a sexy boy reading big book. No more. Fifth grade and sexy boy take big book off of shelf. “Columbia History of the World” is biggest sexiest book, so I read big book. But do I read? No, I sexy. I look at page. I read word. I turn page. I read…
Uncanny Valley Colonialism
On the drive from my hometown of Minneapolis to Appleton, I mentioned offhand to my father about how I’d started listening to the BBC’s Global News Podcast. Simply and contentedly he responded to me “I love the BBC.” No more discussion was necessary. The Global News Podcast is one of three podcasts I’ve started listening…
The Epic of Jacques
Off-campus life in the smallest apple of my life — after the Big Apple and my home town in the Mini Apple, Minneapolis — is, as we say delicately in midwestern circles, interesting. The house that my roomies and me live in is distinctly elegant with Victorian furniture and paintings hung around the walls. I…