Lawrence Atonal Pop Group, “Poop Sandwich” Nominated for Three Grammys

As the nominations for the 2008 Grammy awards, the most prestigious award in the world, were being announced, mass confusion erupted among reporters. A completely unknown group, Lawrence’s own Poop Sandwich, was named in the running for three different nominations: Best New Artist, Best Record of the Year (Knives! Knives! Knives!) and Best Male Vocal Performance (Graham Hand). Questioning whispers spread among reporters immediately after the name was said by Alan D. Bag, chair of the Grammy committee. The buzz was so great that Larry King included a section of his nightly talk show entitled “Who’s Poop Sandwich?” and ran a cover article about the band that even they had never heard of. “The publicity has been amazing. My Mom already told all her friends and my Dad said he’s going to buy me a new watch,” said senior Reed Flygt, who plays drums for Poop Sandwich.

Sophomore guitarist Ben DeCorsey expressed concern though, “I don’t want Poop Sandwich to lose its ‘cute appeal.’ That’s always been our secret weapon.”

The boys of Poop Sandwich all agree on one thing, though: “this award was completely unexpected.”

“I mean, we don’t even have a record contract, or even a record or even a recorded song yet,” mused lead singer and composer, Graham Hand. “I don’t know how the nominating committee even heard of us – it’s all still a mystery.”

When asked to give reasons for the nomination, junior keyboardist Peter Raccuglia offered, “I think this move reflects the sentiments of the country. Everyone is talking about change. Bringing atonal pop into mainstream is a bold move for the Grammy committee to make, and we respect it. In fact, we would like to see a blending of genres.”

Graham Hand agreed, “We are currently in talks with Rihanna about duet album. We met with her in L.A. last month and our voices blend so well that it is an opportunity we can’t afford to pass up.”

“Rihanna has been one of my top musical heroes,” Hand said. “She, Paula Abdul and broken washing machines are probably my three top influences.