The Specht Pages: Master of Disaster

Do you remember the recent power outage on campus? Are you prepared for a disaster? Do you have a plan? Hello, and welcome to Specht Pages, the true and supreme voice of Lawrence University. In this celebratory 37th issue, we will help you prepare for some of the most basic disasters. So sit back, relax and allow Specht Pages to provide the information necessary to sustain life.

There are many types of disasters that could happen in Appleton, Wisc., despite its rank as one of the safest places in the country. The Fox River could flood, wildfires could run rampant, there could be a hazardous material spill, tornadoes could strike, drought could hit, trout could rain from the sky, earthquakes could rumble and nuclear meltdowns at the Point Beach Nuclear Plant could occur. That is just how life is. However, you can choose to be prepared!

According to Appleton Police, the city currently does not have a nuclear fallout or civil defense shelter. The Lawrence Information Desk could not provide any confirmation with regard to such shelters on campus, either, so we’ll have to find other options.

While Specht Pages doesn’t have a fool-proof plan ready for you, we would suggest seeking shelter below the Chapel or in the Science Hall basement. Plantz and Trever Hall’s basements also seem sturdy. Additionally, Steitz Hall seems to have doors that lead to somewhere safe. However, your best bet is probably to find Mark Burstein in the case of an emergency and follow him to the secret Lawrence University presidential safe-house. Alternatively, you could simply “duck and cover” under your desk or maybe even a newspaper.

We suggest that you begin storing supplies in your location of choice. You might want to stow at least two months’ worth of Ramen noodles and a barrel of water or, perhaps, a keg of beer. In certain cases, emergencies may occur when you are on foot, so it is essential that you start working on your basic disaster supplies kit — plan on being ready to sustain yourself for at least three days. You will want to collect three gallons of water, or you could use six two-liter pop bottles. For food, you could use your culinary cash to buy several cans of Spaghetti-O’s and a few containers of peanut butter. This kit should also include a hand-crank and solar-powered radio with a built-in phone charger. Go to the Wellness Center and get several masks, antibiotic cream, band aids and Vitamin C tablets. Also include a tourniquet. In a pinch, you could use a tee-shirt. Additionally, make sure that you have warm clothes and gloves. You can include large garbage bags for usage as raincoats or chamber pots.

In the case of a flood, you’ll want to have a flotation device. Perhaps you can get a small boat on Craigslist or, in a pinch, you could tear down The Katie from the library. Alternatively, you could make friends with the crew team.

There you have it: Advice that will save your life.

“You heard it first from Specht Pages!”