Did you just hear something that made you cringe? Do some of the things Lawrentians say make you crazy? Hello and welcome to Specht Pages, the true and supreme voice of Lawrence University. In this celebratory 43rd issue, we will submit for your approval several phrases that should be stricken from vernacular. So sit back, relax and join us in a hunger strike regarding whatever issue happens to currently be in vogue.
To begin, let’s go ahead and ban certain phrases that are not specific to Lawrentians, but rather to us millennials in general. No more “YOLO,” “Hashtag,” or any acronym that isn’t an organization.
“I’m really busy.” This is something that Lawrentians use constantly. In fact, it is so common that it’s implied and doesn’t need to be said. A common variant of this phrase begins with “sorry.” That usually makes the phrase mean “no.” Additionally, “I’m really busy” is a total copout to the question “how are you doing?” because Lawrence students are always busy. That’s like asking a tree how it’s doing and it saying “wood.”
“Going off that” or “relating to what [Gertrude] was saying about [paint can oxidation].” This is a phrase that Lawrentians use during discussions in an attempt to meaningfully connect their idea with one presented by someone else earlier. In reality, all it does is waste time. Similarly, “I have two questions” is another big time waster. Just state both of them.
“LOL, I’ve never been to a [conservatory concert/sports match/convocation].” Lawrentians say this when they are proud of their level of non-involvement on campus. If this is you, fix it.
“I hate Appleton. There’s nothing to do here.” False. There are stores of every variety from big box stores like Wal-Mart to specialty stores. Did you know Appleton has more than five vacuum cleaner stores? Additionally, we have parks and a bowling alley called The 10th Frame in the city with a minor league baseball team and several regional orchestras located nearby. And that’s not even considering the numerous events that happen every day on campus for which none of us have time.
“Yeah, the food at Andrew Commons is good, but it’s still cafeteria food…you get tired of it after a while.” Back in the good old days, college students would have Ramen for breakfast, lunch and dinner and would be thankful for it. Andrew Commons is the premier restaurant in Appleton. No contest. If you disagree, you must really like Chinese food or deep dish pizza.
“It’s too cold here.” We’re in Wisconsin. Did you forget to consult your Old Farmers’ Almanac before you accepted Lawrence’s offer for admission? Move to Mississippi.
There you have it: a Buzzfeed-like list that would satisfy the desire of any Lawrentian. Now let’s also stop talking about Buzzfeed.
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