CTHULU provides bagels after recent Facebook debauchery

Thanks to Worcester Polytechnic Institute in Massachusetts, May 5 marked the first free bagel event hosted at Lawrence University.

“Alright, well, it is a long story,” began junior Alexa Blumenstock.

A few days ago, Blumenstock got an invitation on Facebook to a “Late Night Bagel Brunch.”

Blumenstock explained that her suspicions came quickly. “I saw that some of my friends were going, but I noticed it was being held in the ‘campus center’ instead of Warch. Also, the event was being hosted by WPI Hillel, which isn’t an acronym anyone uses [at Lawrence].”

Once Blumenstock clicked on the link, she found that the event was actually for a bagel brunch happening at a college in Massachusetts. Despite this, dozens of Lawrentians accepted the invitation.

“The vast majority of people had no idea,” admitted Blumenstock.

The exact origin of the East Coast invitation is unknown. Students speculate that a mutual friend may have been added by mistaken. Others believe sophomores Kip Hathaway and Ridley Tankersley, notorious for Facebook shenanigans, were behind the gluten scandal.

“No,” said Hathaway in response.

Soon thereafter, Lawrence students, like sophomore Sarah Axtell, generated more bagel brunch Facebook events in response. Axtell describes this as a “prime comedic opportunity.”

“Including the one in Massachusetts, I was invited to four separate bagel brunches with the same banner and the same descriptions as the original. It became this big joke,” said Blumenstock. “But I figured this could be a good idea.”

Blumenstock used some of the remaining funds from her club Critical Thinkers, Humanists, and Unbelievers at Lawrence University (CTHULU) to purchase 10 dozen bagels along with three cream cheese spreads to share with the student body.

“We started this event because of all the trolling that was going on,” began CTHULU Vice President and junior Susannah Miller. “We came up with this in like a week and we are really happy with the turn out.”

Freshman Moon Wang attended the event because she learned about it through Facebook.

“I knew the event was fake because I checked the location and it wasn’t on campus,” said Wang. “But everyone kept signing up so I decided to as well. Now, I am happy I did.”