A Fraternity Auction Dilemma – jbs -cd

Erin Cambpell Watson

This girl just paid over 150 dollars for me at a fraternity auction! She’s a nice girl and kind of pretty, but my heart is set on another girl who was at the auction but did not bid on me at all. What do I do?
-Heartbroken but opportunisticThe fact that your secret crush did not bid on you at the fraternity auction indicates one of two things. It is possible that she is actually shy, and was hoping you would make the first move before going public at a fraternity auction. When you failed to do so because you were cocky enough to assume that you would sell like hotcakes, you dashed her hopes.
Really, she was scared to bid on you because she did not want you to get the wrong idea about her character from her overly forward actions at the fraternity auction. She knew that this event would be a perfect opportunity for you to judge her moral fortitude, and she did not want you to think that she was the kind of girl who bids on strangers at fraternity auctions. Actually, I do not know if girls like that exist. Still, this could possibly be true, and maybe she asked her friend (the nice girl who did bid on you) to bid on you so that no other harlot would.
Maybe these two nice girls have made a secret deal you don’t know about, and maybe your secret crush will be waiting for you when you reclaim your date. This is probably the scenario you have imagined in your head, and you have only asked this question in hopes of receiving the affirmation that your wildest dreams are about to come true. While this is probably the scenario that would have happened on “The O.C.” if that show had not started sucking and all of the characters had not died — this is not what is actually going to happen, so stop thinking about it.
It is possible that this girl offered to pay such a hefty sum because her friends dared her to, or because she was afraid you would not be such a hot commodity. In this case, it might be best for both of you if you pretend the incident never happened. Or, it could be pretty funny to ask her out, because you could end up having the most awkward date of your life. This event is not likely, because even I think that 150 dollars is a lot of money for a joke.
The best you can do now is hope that this overly enthusiastic admirer was inebriated at the time of purchase, which is likely, because although I know you, and I honestly believe you are a swell guy, in the past 30 seconds I have thought of eight things I would rather do with 150 dollars. There is only one way to determine if she was indeed inebriated: You will have to wait several weeks to see if your interactions progress beyond awkward head jerks at the Grill. You have specified that you are an opportunistic guy, which I believe you are, so if she confronts you about the situation, you could probably have a decent time stringing her along for a while. Ask her on a few dates, but indicate that you expected she would pay, because her zealous performance at the fraternity auction demonstrated that she is most likely wealthy. You can probably embarrass her into several free meals, or at least some free Grill food.
You can also take her to your fraternity’s formal, or whatever other social events fraternities have that require dates, either formally or informally. You know you wouldn’t have the courage to ask your real secret crush to one of those anyway.
Keep in mind that the only girls who go to fraternity auctions are girls who hang out at fraternity houses. Surely, your secret crush will make an appearance at most of your fraternity’s other social events, especially if they are significantly less socially awkward and scarring than an event that encourages you to waste your money on your scantily clad, inebriated classmates in order to save them from public humiliation.
Therefore, it is in your best interest to use this girl as a way to eventually attain your heart’s desire. Use this fraternity auction to your advantage, and approach the next several weeks from the point of view of a man who has just been bought at a fraternity auction for 150 dollars.