Excerpts from an overactive imagination.
SCENE, Cafe. All of the tables are empty but one, its occupants are a man and a woman. They are sitting across from each other. “River” by Bishop Briggs is playing softly in the background.
KEN: I’m only dating you ironically.
SARAH: That’s fine. (She sips her cappuccino) I’m dating you for a social experiment.
KEN: (He nods) Fair enough. I think we should break up, though.
SARAH: But we work so well.
KEN looks conflicted. A waitress enters and walks to their table, her nametag reads LORRINE.
LORRINE: (Annoyed) Do you need anything else?
SARAH: You want us to leave, don’t you?
LORRINE: Well, we did close over an hour ago.
KEN: You kept serving us.
LORRINE: I thought I would get a nice tip. Now? I don’t care. Please finish and leave.
KEN and SARAH share a look.
SARAH: Fine. Bring us the check.
LORRINE: Fine! (She exits.)
KEN: I guess we should go, then.
KEN: I don’t think we should break up.
KEN: Not tonight, anyway.
SARAH: (Shrugs) Okay.
LORRINE re-enters and sets down receipt.
KEN: Is credit alright?
LORRINE: (Furious) You’re kidding me, right?
LORRINE: Our sign literally says “cash only”!
KEN: I didn’t read the sign.
LORRINE: (Talking over him) It says it at the top of all the pages on the menu!
KEN: (Sheepish) Well, I only wanted to order coffee, so…
SARAH: Come on, it’s not that big of a deal. You have cash, right, Ken?
KEN: Well, no. That’s why I asked if she accepted credit.
LORRINE: We still don’t.
KEN: Why is there a waitress in a coffee shop, anyway?
LORRINE: What do you mean?
SARAH: Huh, now that you mention it, it is a little odd.
KEN goes to grab the receipt. LORRINE tries to stop him.
KEN: (Accusingly) This is from Best Buy!
SARAH: You don’t even work here, do you?
LORRINE: Dang, with you two, I would have made an even $100 tonight. Oh, well. (She shakes her head, walking toward the door.) Oh, yeah, you should probably leave soon. The rats like to come out after 10. See ya! (She shoots finger guns at them.)