Listen man, I don’t give a shit about shit

Tom Pilcher

Why is everyone so uptight at this school? I’m a SENIOR. I GRADUATE this year, so why is everyone getting on my case about everything all of a sudden? I don’t give a shit about shit anymore man, I’m a SENIOR.
It all started in my Intro to Literary Analysis class, man. The prof has been giving me a real rough time about not turning in papers and showing up to class hung over and stuff, like he would know. I bet that dude has never drunk a whole case of brewskis by himself. If he had, he would know how messed up it can make a dude.
Oh yeah, shit. Why do my profs think I’m going to do some kind of Capstone project or whatever? I don’t even know what that is. It seems like a lot of work to me. A lot of work that I don’t want to do. I just want to graduate man. That’s why I’m taking all 100 level classes this term.
Plus, it’s spring now. I just want to bro out on the quad with a case of brewskis, listen to some nice chill Toby Keith jams, and throw the ol’ pigskin around. But then Security keeps on hassling me for having an “open container” or whatever. It’s not like my brewskis going to get germs from the air or some shit, so I don’t even know why they’re worried about my beer being open. That’s how I DRINK it, man.
One more thing: nah, never mind actually. I can’t even figure out how to write out this idea kickin’ around in my head. I should go see a writing tutor or something. Nah, they’re always nagging on me about shit too. Shit. Why did I even write this? Whoever edits this should just put a big picture of me looking buff or something, to impress the Freshman ladies.