Hygiene is for losers, but let me get to the real point: soap’s only function on this earth is for autonomous sensory meridian response purposes. Oh, you are not familiar with the term, “autonomous sensory meridian response?” Let me enlighten you: autonomous sensory meridian response is that tingling sensation on your scalp that you get from noises like the crusty sound of opening a bottle of maple syrup, or the soft squishy tones of Bob Ross painting on canvas. You may know autonomous sensory meridian response by its commonly used acronym, ASMR. The chances that you have scrolled through the ‘gram without seeing one of these ASMR videos is very low. Slime videos, eating videos, kinetic sand videos, and paint mixing videos are a few examples of the many forms autonomous sensory meridian response media can take on. However, the most satisfying of autonomous sensory meridian response videos are the soap cutting ones. Forget any instinct of cleanliness you may have once possessed and use all of your spare bars of soap in pursuit of the low-grade euphoria that is the autonomous sensory meridian response.
As most things do, soap cutting began as an unusual Russian trend. Videos began to surface a few years ago on Instagram of people slicing soap into cubes and shaving soap into curls. These videos, all of which came from Russian Instagram accounts, quickly gained popularity as the autonomous sensory meridian response, or ASMR trend blew up on social media. This form of autonomous sensory meridian response is different than most in the sense that it has many subcategories. Specific forms of soap ASMR include soap cubes, soap curls, glycerin soap cutting, dry soap cutting, among many other unique and fascinating versions of ASMR soaping. Soap cutting requires a degree of creativity and ingenuity in that the same old regular soaps do not satisfy the masses like they used to. This brought about many iconic forms of soap cutting, including the painting of bars of soap, application of glitter, reformation of soap scraps into new soaps, soap roses, soap towers, soap cakes, soap pictures, sodden soap, and so many more.
The popularity these videos has revealed a few cardinal rules, if you will, of the soap cutting medium. First, there are a variety of types of soap that are predisposed to the art of soap cutting. These, depending on personal taste, include glycerin soaps and dry soaps. Glycerin soaps as well as the more wet and brand new soaps are ideal for soap curls and soap roses, as they maintain their shape when peeled off of the bar. Then, when left to dry for a while, these curls can be crunched for maximum satisfaction. Dry soaps, including vintage soaps and laundry soaps, are ideal for just the regular flavor soap cutting. The dry texture of these makes for the best and most satisfying sounds of soap chipping off of the bar. Most brand new out of the package non-glycerin soaps make good candidates for soap cubes, where you slice a grid into the soap and then wait for it to dry out some, and then slice the layer of cubes off of the bar. This is arguably the most popular version of the soap cutting media, and is characterized by the sexy cascading sound of small cubes of soap hitting the table. The Russians have got this down to a science, and use brands like Duru or Fax for the cube cuttings, Dalan or Aist laundry soap for the dry soap cuttings, and Camay or Lux for the soap curls.
Soap cutting is so much cooler than actually using the soap to clean yourself. Take it from me: I used to be interested in hygiene, but now that I have found soap cutting, I no longer dwell in the slow world of “taking care of yourself.” Instead, I live in the fast paced, dangerous, Russian world of soap cutting, where box cutters are my sword and soap my enemy. Instagram accounts like asmr_soap_granny, my_asmr_soap, and asmr_cut are incredible starting places to introduce yourself into the wide world of soap cutting. Whether you are in it for the autonomous sensory meridian response or for the danger of holding a box cutter that close to your fingies, I guarantee that soap is better spent on soap cutting than hygiene.