On the Cusp of Enlightenment

Looking for answers? In need of advice from a Taurus-sun, Virgo-moon, Gemini-rising? Think you can stump me? Email Simone at simone.a.levy@lawrence.edu with your own questions and you just might be featured in next week’s column. 

Dear Simone, 

I have been with my partner for four and a half years, and we are, for all intents and purposes, very happy together. I recently revealed to her my interest in cuckolding, and to my surprise, she was extremely respectful and even eager to fulfill my needs. I worry that she may be too eager. Within an hour of telling her, she posted a Craigslist ad seeking out men for the whole scheme. So long story short, some guy named Brandon is coming over to our apartment later today, and I’ll watch him fornicate with my partner. And I will obviously have a good time, because that is what I am into, but I am worried that this is all leading up to her leaving me. What should I do? 

Signed, Scaredy Cuck 

Dear Scaredy, 

The situation that you are in definitely is a tough one and one that many people in relationships have to suffer through. I definitely think you should confront her, but not in a way that at all goes back on your initial conversation with her. Just tell her your expectations and ask her for her own expectations. Hopefully, the initial thrill of this for her is what led to her enthusiasm, but if not, be honest. And if this one encounter with Brandon is what leads her spiraling into an adulterous spree, then it’s better you know now than later on down the road, perhaps when you are married and with kids. The truth is, this is kind of what you signed up for. Is this not the life of a cuck? And if your partner does not get it, then that is a shame. All of that being said, I wish you luck with your relationship, and I hope you figure things out. 

Signed, Simone

Dear Simone, 

I am looking for advice regarding my relationship. I have been in a polyamorous relationship with two men for about three months now. For background, I, myself, am a woman. The first two months with the boys was great, but the last month has brought many new problems. I found myself not getting enough attention. Both guys initially identified as straight, but were willing to try a poly relationship. And now, our “thruple” looks a lot more like a gay couple and their surrogate or something. They go out to dinner together without inviting me, they are constantly touching each other and they have even relegated me to the living room couch from time to time when they want to get sexy in the bedroom. I have no problem with homosexuality, do not get me wrong. But I am wondering what I can do to get them to be more interested in me. 

Signed, Thruple Third Wheel 

Dear Thruple, 

Oh honey. Take a deep breath. I hate to tell you, but the verdict is exactly what you think it is: your two guys fell in love with each other and are no longer invested in the polyamorous lifestyle, meaning you. There is no way to get them to be more interested in you if they have already decided for themselves that they go together. I suggest you break things off with them before things get too dicey. It is also important to keep in mind that, from my understanding, polyamorous relationships should not be like moons orbiting a planet: you are not the center of the relationship. It should be a fully fleshed out love triangle with the two others loving each other as much as they love you. But it does seem like they love each other more than they love you, so in this case, I would just call it quits. Good luck with whatever you choose to do. 

Signed, Simone