Lore-ence: Roommate Swap

The following story is satire. All events and characters are fictional.

We all remember our freshman year roommates. For some of us, it was a pleasant experience, and for others the worst living arrangement possible. Sometimes it seemed as if the roommate assignment was completely random. For current freshmen who are unsatisfied with their roommates, Lawrence University has a solution. If you thought that your first roommate assignment was random, wait until you see this. Lawrence is continuing their trend of producing Lawrence-themed reality shows by allowing roommates to swap in their new show “Roommate Swap.”

The idea for the show came from an influx of underclassmen complaining about their roommates by saying, “I wish I could room with literally anyone else!” Higher-ups took these complaints to heart and decided that they would test out just how much these freshmen wanted to get away from their roommates. The system is simple: students launch their complaints and a desire to switch roommates, and the system randomly pairs them with another roommate duo who also want to split. The roommates are then swapped and cameras are installed in each of the two rooms to track how the new pairs get along. 

It is completely unclear if these swaps will be beneficial, considering they are entirely random. Some speculate that they will be better than the original, if the roommate is willing to swap in the first place. Others worry that not knowing anything about your roommate could lead to disastrous consequences. Either way, Lawrence University wins. If the roommates are a good pair, then Lawrence University can boast about how great their roommate system is. If the roommates are truly terrible together, one can always move again, and the show gets a lot of content to share with the community.

However, if the roommates do decide to split up, deciding who will be the one to move again is a difficult topic. It is hard to move all of your possessions in the middle of a term, and most would agree that it is the last thing they want to do. The roommate who has to move is determined by a room cleaning challenge. Each roommate is given a randomly generated set of chores to do around their dorm building and in their room, and the first to complete their list secures their place in the room. The losing party is then sent back into the random roommate assignment system to participate in another round of “Roommate Swap.”

Some are worried that this game will cause students to leave the school. The school argues that students who want to relocate are not required to participate in the reality show, so there is no need for students to feel uncomfortable with the premise. They also argue that the additional community awareness and comedy in every day lives of Lawrentians will increase retention rates beyond the few students who leave due to the show. 

This show is currently pending approval. There are a lot of ethical concerns, and the film students are not thrilled about having to edit more footage of their peers for the profit of the university. After “Warch Watch,” another Lawrence-themed show put on to boost student morale, tanked horribly, many are discouraged about the potential of Lawrence University reality or comedy shows. Only time will tell if this new concept will take off, though the prospects seem grim. 

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