Going to class? Running off to Costco? Attending a small liberal arts school? What shoes am I’m wearing, you ask? Birkenstocks. Ah, the little butternut-squash-shaped sandal that owns my heart. I’m not even kidding when I say these shoes are possibly the best shoe of them all. I have no credentials to say that, but if you ask Marten, who got his PhD in shoeology and now goes by Doc Marten he’ll tell ya! I kid, I kid. But,in reality, it’s time to embrace how funky your feet look — ‘cause we all have funky feet and silly little toes — and hop on the ‘Stock train.
I acquired my initial pair of Birkenstocks when I was at the tender age of 14 years old. They had very, je ne sais quoi, iridescent, brandy, copper pipe hue to them. I know you’re probably wondering how that color combination could literally ever even be the slightest bit attractive or appealing; well, that’s the Birken magic, baby. Now, when I say I wore these almost every day in high school, I mean that I wore these almost every day in high school. It was like they were my authentically supportive best friend in a strange shoe-themed coming-of-age movie, always at all my theatre rehearsals, sitting with me at lunch, waiting for me when I got home … I digress. Following that worrisome analogy of my Birkenstocks being my best friend, they also seemed to pair seamlessly with every outfit, or at least, I thought they did and tried to make them. During my junior year, and I seriously don’t know what fashion inept rooster was living in my brain then, I would wear mismatched socks with my already boisterous colored Birkenstocks. I’m not talking about your average gray sock and a black sock pair… I’m talking like a floral print sock paired with a rainbow sock, possibly with a hole in it, all nestled under a little iridescent Birkenstock. I was walking around with a Barbie Dream House on my feet. It felt right in that moment, I guess.
Although all good things must come to an end, as the seasons changed so did my trusty sandals. I lamented the loss and perhaps wore them longer than I should have. The copper had weathered away to silver, and it looked as if a rabid beaver with a serious vendetta against me had gotten ahold of them. Although, to me, it didn’t matter! It was like my two little tattered friends who had spent all of high school with me! Alas, they were really collapsing at the seams, and in the melancholy heat of summer of 2018, I bid my last adieu to my late friends. Walking into the Birkenstock shop to buy a new pair, I felt like I was being untrue to my old sandal-esque homies. However, I know they would want me to move on. Wow, I am starting to sound actually insane, but that’s what the ‘stocks do to ya, man. I decided to pick out a beige, less of an electro dance music meets copper pipe vibe, and the rest is history.
Along with my current beige sandals, I also own a couple of pairs of Birkenstock clogs! These shoes are a go-to during any season! Except, well, winter because I go to school in northern Wisconsin, and that would be a death wish. Nonetheless, it’s like having a Pillow Pet on your feet. They’re ferociously comfortable, and they make you look distinguished. Point-blank, you look cool if you wear Birkenstocks. They give off a carefree, fun and cutting-edge vibe. There’s so much to love about this holy shoe, and I wish I could write a million love songs about them, like go all Beatle’s All My Loving on them. Until then, I’ll be paying the highest homage to my Birkenstocks in the best way possible: wearing them!