What do you DO all day?

Bea O’Problem

Campus celebrity “The Shower Peeper” gained notoriety last winter, but his relation with Lawrence started when he was in middle school. Mr. Peeper, as he prefers to be called, was drawn to the university by its athletic opportunities.
“I came here by myself to skateboard by the ‘brary,” he recalls, “but I stayed here for the babes. I focused on my ollies at first, but then I noticed that I was surrounded by hot college chicks.”
Throughout high school, Mr. Peeper would visit the campus after classes to “check out the ladies.” Aided by a pair of Ray-Ban sunglasses, he would watch students while pretending to read or study.
Eventually, ogling from afar lost its appeal. “I started peepin’ some time in 2004,” says Mr. Peeper. “People just didn’t notice until some time last year. A couple of people started to freak out, so now I try to keep it on the DL.”
He says that a typical day starts slowly, with a cup of coffee and a newspaper. Then he goes to the College Street Walgreens, where he works in the photo lab.
“I started out as a stock boy, but I hated that job,” Mr. Peeper remembers. “The quotidian drudgery weighed upon my soul, sapping the marrow from my bones and leaving a paralyzing ennui. It totally sucked dong.”
His promotion to the photo lab made his work much more bearable. “You ever see the movie “One Hour Photo?” My job is like that, but with more babes.”
After work, Mr. Peeper likes to unwind through some of his hobbies. He enjoys bowling, watching football, and of course, peeping.
“If I’m ever having a bad day, I just head down to the campus and check out some chicks. After last year’s uproar, I usually do it with a pair of binoculars. I like to check out the Panhellenic rooms in Colman, and also the Main Hall Green.”
Mr. Peeper is excited about his plans for the future.
“I’m finally moving into the 21st century. I ordered one of those spy cams from a computer at the public library, and I’m gonna install it in Draheim. It’s gonna be sweet.