**The Lawrentian** would like to welcome our new columnist, Ethan Denault. Ethan should be a familiar writer to all of you from his numerous sensitive and incisive looks at Lawrence life. There are some out there in reader-land, though, who find Ethan unfunny, or *****– worse *****– ******offensive******. Because of this, we decided to promote Ethan while, in a strictly “good-taste” sense, cutting him loose.
We no longer vouch for anything he says (as if we ever did), but may occasionally suggest slight tone-downs, like requiring a name change for that “fictitious” “Jill Beck” character that sometimes lurks in the dubiously compromising situations of Ethan’s first drafts. Ethan can come up with his own ideas for everything but a column name… I have to confess, when it comes to that, he’s just not that intelligent.
So, we are welcoming you, the reader, to pick his column’s name for him. I hereby invite you to submit a name for Ethan’s column, in this, the “Name Ethan’s Column” contest of 2005.
“Butthead,” “chicken-choker,” “Denise’s boyfriend,” “waste of space”… we expect and welcome such submissions, but we will also consider serious ones as well. The editorial board will decide between these submissions … by Jello-wrestling in the City Park fountain.
No, just kidding. That was Ethan’s idea, so naturally we won’t take it seriously. In all seriousness though, send your column names to firstname.lastname@example.org and he’ll mention you in a future column, although he might call you “Jill.” Keep reading Ethan’s work, and remember: he’s a lover and not a fighter.Sincerely,
Editor in Chief