Phi Taus retake old house in bloody coup -dlh

Late Monday night a group of 15 lightly armed Phi Taus stormed their former residence and forcibly took the 206 S. Lawe house from the Swing Dancing Club. The Phi Kappa Tau fraternity occupied that house prior to the end of the ’02-’03 school year, when it was awarded to the Theatre Outreach club. The Swing Dancers were awarded the house for this year.
Armed with a large Alaskan salmon, Korbyn Doucette led the horde of Phi Taus across the quad, screaming such insults as “Are you all ‘In The Mood’ for an ass-whoppin’?” According to the few observers, the takeover was ruthless and efficient, with many Swingers slaughtered in their sleep.
A truce was briefly called when Dave Macauley offered to give the Phi Taus the house if any of them could beat him in a dance-off, but the Phi Taus produced Chris Snapp, who promptly Lindy-Hopped circles around Macauley, ripped off the Hiett RHD’s head and, angrily grasping its long, blond hair, drank the stream of blood coming from his neck. After that the Swingers apparently offered little resistance to the Phi Tau onslaught.
At dawn the Phi Tau flag was raised over the somber battlefield, still littered with the well-dressed bodies of the swingers. The battle devastated the Swingers, with only one member surviving what is becoming known as the “‘Round Midnight Massacre.”
That survivor, Aaron Sherkow, managed to escape the house and apparently accounted for the only two Phi Tau casualties ********– Paul Solomon and Bart Borej, who were evidently exhausted from Prof. Pourciau’s Topology class and proved easy targets for the escaping Sherkow, the “Pennsylvania 6-5000.” In response to heavy questioning from the rest of campus, Phi Tau spokesman Peter Iverson issued the statement that the fraternity would indeed be having its Le Brawl party as planned.

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