The Queen of Flickball:

William Dalsen

It was a cold and rainy night when Stacy Scott headed to Park Central, and she was focused on one goal: to become the queen of flickball.
Flickball, more commonly known as “paper football,” is a game that most are at least familiar with. It is like football, but played on a table. Normally, one makes a triangle-shaped flickball out of a piece of paper, and then shoves it across a table so that it just reaches over the edge to score a touchdown. One could also opt to shoot a field goal by flicking the paper football through imaginary uprights. If the ball goes over the table edge or misses the uprights, the ball is turned over to the other team.
Each team has two possessions and four downs per possession to outscore their opponents. If the teams are tied after two possessions each, they each will have one minute to perform a flick-off, that is, to shoot as many field goals as possible in the hopes of outscoring their opponents. The play of the game is therefore rather simple.
But the flickball Stacy was playing was hardcore. The Sage RHD had won the Wooden Nickel’s flickball tournament, and now she was playing for an all-expenses-paid trip to Chicago to play in the regional flickball championship; and a win in Chicago would mean a free trip to Hawaii for the national competition.
These high stakes meant that Park Central needed top equipment, and the self-proclaimed “king of beers” was ready to pitch in. Specially made regulation-sized tables were brought into the sketchy townie stronghold, and the traditional paper was replaced by leather-bound, Budweiser-branded flickballs. The games were electronically scored, and certified flickball officials-who drank at least as much as the players-oversaw the games.
The tournament was single elimination, and so Stacy and her teammate had only one shot at Chicago.
After a beer and a few dozen warm-up field goals and touchdown passes, Stacy sat down and observed the competition. All of the competitors were from local bars, and some looked like they had practiced even more than she had.
But Stacy was in the zone, no longer an RHD, but a flickball machine. She drank slowly, maintaining a calm and confident air while hoping that her opponents would take too much advantage of unlimited free Buds for everyone in the tournament.
The strategy was slowly paying off when Stacy was called to the practice table to get ready for her match.
After losing the warm-up game, it was time to play for Chicago, and Stacy was determined to win. The match began with the other team on the offense. Failing to make a touchdown, Stacy and her teammate had a chance. But after failing to score, both teams went through their last possessions.
The score tied 0-0, it was time for a flick-off. Stacy and her teammate went first. They were shooting goals consistently, and remained focused despite the noisy crowd and flying flickballs. They scored 24 points, two more than any other team yet had scored in a flick-off.
Her opponents started the flick-off poorly. But as their time ran out, their accuracy improved, and in the last 15 seconds they managed to outscore Stacy’s team. The final score was 26-24 by flick-off.
Stacy and her teammate were disappointed, but they had given it their best shot. After another beer and watching some more teams play, Stacy called it a night. She won’t be heading to Chicago; but, until the next tournament, she is Lawrence’s reigning flickball champion.

Top