An open letter to President Warch

The following is a submission that is a follow-up to Rogness’s popular open letter to George W. Bush, printed in a recent issue of the One Minute Left.Yesterday, that letter’s fallout FINALLY caused Bush’s resignation. Bush also turned his back forever on the World Bank. Way to go, Steve!!!

The occasion for the following speech was Rogness’s acceptance of RLA of the year award. Rogness felt empowered by Michael Moore’s recent Oscar speech.

Rogness’s remarks were somewhat controversial, and prompted a mixed reaction of boos and cheers from the divided crowd. Some felt that Raymond House ought to be about unity, not criticism.

Nonetheless, we feel that his remarks warrant printing, since we can’t be sure how long the OML will be printing. Leftists, after all, don’t believe in money.

Richard Warch, You are not my President.

It’s time for us to face the facts: you were not voted into office. You have no mandate to make changes. And for the next two years of your term, I will proceed as if you were not my president. You are a fictitious man reacting to fictitious circumstances in fictitious ways.

You assume you have a mandate to change things, but really, you are an illegitimate President. When you make proclamations, I think, “hey, look, this is a proclamation coming from someone who is not my President.”

When you declare Classics Week? Nope, I don’t take part. Why, you ask? Because you are not my president. Classics Week is just an excuse to further enslave generations of women and African Americans. African Americans are always neglected in study of classical antiquity, and YOU, Rik Warch, my not-president, do nothing to promote the study of African Americanism in ancient Greece.

Shame on you, President Warch, shame on you.

Children die through the world of sundry diseases. The economy fluctuates, crushing the poor. America is imperialist. And for these reasons, you are not my President.

You sit in the house that I pay for acting like you’re all in charge, but we really know that you only have the job because of your last name- W-a-r-c-h. Monosyllabic. Easy to spell. That’s why you’re here.

You build buildings where there once was nature. Why, someone might ask? I think it’s because you are finishing the work of Curtis Tarr, who had an evil plan for Lawrence, but couldn’t quite usurp our minds the way you could. Oh Rik, Rik, monosyllabic Rik, Curtis was not my president. And neither are you.

Buicks guzzle so much gas. I mean, imagine you drive an electric hybrid car. Maybe you could be my president. But no, you support oil. You are not my president. I am not relevant. You are not my president.

Oh, I see, Reischl’ s orchestra is starting up and cutting off my speech. This is the way the Gestapo works when you are not my president.

Ghandi is my president. Al Gore is my president. Cheech is president. Michael Moore is my president. But you are not my president, and I will NOT celebrate Classics week.

Oh, and Gustavo Setrini agrees with me. —

Steve Rogness

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