View from the Chapel bleachers

Mouse Braun

Hi, I’m Mouse Braun, No. 16 on the LU football team. As you may know, James Hall, a Conservatory student, recently attended an LU baseball game and gave his account of the game in an extremely distorted fashion. After reading his article, I knew that I could give a much more accurate account of a Conservatory event.
On Friday the 13th, like any normal fan, I began pre-game activities at the VR. I was somewhat surprised that there were not more people there, but I figured that most of the other concert attendees must have been tailgating outside the chapel.
When I arrived at the chapel for the Symphonic Band concert, I almost missed the whole first quarter because I was attempting to find the concession stand to get a beer. I concluded that there must be concession vendors that walk about the chapel.
When my friends and I finally took our seats, we chose the balcony, lowering the risk of being seen at such an event. Sitting there waiting for the performers to come out, I glanced around looking for the scoreboard. I decided that it was underneath where I was sitting, on the main floor.
While the performers walked onto the field, I thought the purpose of this band concert was to see who could play the largest and shiniest apparatus. Obviously the people who walked out last were better at band.
When the first quarter ended, many of the apparatus players stood up and shifted their positions. At first, I was confused, but then a new arm-waver stood on the podium. Of course, it’s like when Barry Bonds comes to the plate and the team in the field puts on a defensive shift!
My initial thought was again wrong, the same arm-waver stood for the rest of the event, but after every quarter, the apparatus players would shift. Zone defense! We were switching between different types of defenses to confuse the arm-waver. Obviously the sheets in front of them were game plans telling them where to move.
Now that I figured out why the team would switch seats, I came to the realization that the purpose of band is not to have the shiniest apparatus, but to force as much noise out of the apparatus as possible.
Throughout the concert some embarrassing events took place. An usher came up to me and told me that my peanut shells were distracting to the performers. Also, a bathroom break was the cause of missing the whole third quarter. Apparently they don’t let you back in while the performers are making their noise. While my friends and I were waiting for the other band to come out, the same usher came up to us and instructed us to leave since the concert was over. I was surprised: who wins if there is not another band to play? We discussed the situation with the usher and from what I could understand, this was some sort of exhibition event.
I talked to Chris Clouthier, a pitcher on the baseball team and a “saxophone” player in the Symphonic Band, after the concert. I ran my thoughts by him about the zone defenses and the purpose of the concert. He looked at me, shook his head and said, “Maybe you should get more beer and watch the Brewers.”
That was the best idea all night.