Letter to the Editor

If you meant to stir something up and really tear at people’s lives, then well done, sir. Your thoughts on how to deal with the Muhammad cartoon issue are so ridiculous that I’m not sure if I should consider you a close-minded bigot or a courageous satirist.
In the meantime, why don’t we simply send out some of the peaceful shrieking Muslims out to rein in the fanatical ones? I’m sure that the Islamic men and women working alongside “Western” men and women have plenty of free time to drop by these hot zones and calm these guys down. Maybe bring over a Happy Meal or two for the kids and show them the shiny things they’re missing out on in the Western world.
How about our students? Diligent, hardworking Islamic Lawrentians pursuing an education here in Appleton, Wis. surely have the time, energy, and financial means to pacify the gun-toting, liberty-hating savages we see in the news.
Why don’t we just get a group together right now? We’ll meet at the Wriston turnaround Saturday afternoon, hop on a plane to the Iranian ogre-breeding grounds and militarily demoralize the bunch of them. The peaceful wimpy Muslims can then truly stand up for what they believe in! It’s also a perfect opportunity for the select few of us with enough moral courage in our hearts to show how rational individualistic heroes that pursue liberty, secularism and affluence really work: by generalizing the thoughts, feelings and actions of a billion people. Let’s not forget to insult their very existence! We’ll just solve this thing before the snow melts; I’ll arrange a group flight on Orbitz right now.
Oh, I’m sorry. Did I say take a plane? I meant take camels. We all know what Islamic barbarians do with planes, and we really shouldn’t be inconveniencing the flight attendants like that.Van Yang
Prime Minister of Yourmomistan

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