Delt to take over as president

Peter Gillette

In a surprising move, President Warch recommended to the trustees that Delta
Tau Delta President Christopher Phelps become his successor. Due to the
downturn in the economy (and it¡s safe to say that Lawrence is no lone
ranger in that respect) the measure passed unanimously.
Warch¡s explanatory letter to the Lawrence Community explained the
unprecedented measure, with wit and grace commensurate to all of Warch¡s
requisite good tidings:
The Delts think they can run a University better than me, let¡s see them
try. They could be drinking in a fancy new campus bar, but no; instead they
have fridges full of MGD in their basement, and load their pockets with
liquor on their way to Jekyll¡s.Œ Although he came off to many readers as
angry, the final draft included calming emoticons, added by Linda Fuerst.
Fuerst really had nothing to do with it, but called Phelps to inform him of
the decision.
Among Phelps¡ first duties would be execution of a legal defense against the
fraternity alliance¡s lawsuit, and the selection of which
housemates¢following their respective graduations/withdrawals from classes
and subsequent unsuccessful stints in minor league hockey¢would staff the
new campus center.
Warch left it up to Phelps to name the new center, suggesting in the
afformentioned letter that The Hacquebord Center,Œ or THC, might be a
fitting memorial to the Delts¡ role on campus. Plans for the THC are in
limbo, as Welch cannot even spell TruesdellŒ correctly in a guest editorial
to the Lawrentian. Hacquebord would be quite a stretch to write on memosJ.
Phelps initially turned down the trustee¡s offer, until the salary was
converted for other members of his house into metric street value. Another
sticking point of the negotiation held that the campus center would house
overnight female visitors, and that Dean¡s Day be renamed Tom Conti DayŒ in
honor of Lawrence¡s legendary hockey gentleman. Conti could not be reached
for comment, but the Beta door was wide open for some reason.

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