The word on the street: Tray vs. Plate

Aaron Urist

Of the battles that have raged through time, only one looms above all the others as the greatest conflict of all. In the seemingly quiet halls and kitchens of Downer Commons, the flames of war still rage in secret. The time has come to resolve this terrible battle. Which is better to eat on: plates or trays? The people who eat off trays themselves swear by their lifestyle, and refuse to be converted. These are people like Roger Gifford. “I can’t see why people eat with plates. Sometimes I eat cereal off of my plate. It fixes every problem. You know how sometimes cereal gets soggy? Well on a tray, it doesn’t. It’s just a thin film of breakfast over the whole tray. It’s perfect.” The workers of Downer seem to share Roger’s opinion. Tamiko Terada agreed to spread the word, and does so with eloquence. “Trays? I love it when people eat on trays! People should drink off of trays!” Thank you, Tamiko.
For information on the opposite side of things, Maureen Schneck agreed to divulge her opinion. “Plates or trays? Well, plates stop me from eating too much.” Jacob Ruben says, “Plates have a glorious heritage going back thousands of years. There is most likely documented evidence that George Washington himself at one time used plates. Did he use a plastic tray? I think not! Not using a plate is unpatriotic.” Hmm. Touch, Mr. Ruben.
There is, however, a third party, made up of people like John Howell III. “What? Plates? Plates … dinosaurs … I don’t care.” Well, John, it’s people like you that prevent the youth from understanding exactly how important this issue is, because it’s … important. In all seriousness, using either a plate or a tray without the other saves water. Honestly, only use the dishes you need. Everyone knows the one guy with four cups and eight bowls. Well buddy, when this war is over, it’s you everyone will be after, because unlike some things, water conservation actually matters.