3rd Base (heh)

Mariq Boutineer

The Lawrence University Cricket team won its first ever test over the bowlers from Ripon College. The Vikings won the final by 267 runs in the first meeting between the schools varsity programs. The match was not even close as the Redhawks were swinging for the fences, but they were getting nothing but air. The Vikings were hitting wickets left and right, and shutting down Ripon who could barely see the spin coming off the ball of the expert bowlers from the north.The first inning was dominated by Viking bowler Apu Nahasapemapetilon. He bowled the hat trick, three straight wickets nailed before a Ripon player even hit the ball. Ripon only got 6 runs that first inning, and it was over just like the Indians destroyed the English in 1986.

Ripon bowler Billy Jo Hix never seemed to get in a groove. He was slapped all over the pitch by the powerful Lawrence hitting led by senior captain Sanjay Nahasapemapetilon, Apu’s brother. He scored an amazing 31 runs by himself before throw from the pitch by Ripon star Hank Trailer III ran him out.

The second inning was much of the same as Nahasapemapetilon bowled over the competition. The Vikings went to bat again and finished the Redhawks for good when Pervez Musharraf, no relation to the Pakistani president, drove in 35 runs, and the Vikings rode their magic carpet to victory.

Apu Nahasapemapetilon had this to say after the test: “We killed them, what can I say? Evolution just favors our side.”

As Hix headed back to his barn for some much needed consolation, he uttered this semi-comprehensible phrase, ” Aw hell, I guess we ain’t gonna go back to that new delhi any more before games.”

The Vikings have risen to new heights, and nothing can stop them now.

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