College/Conservatory unite between Bonesome thighs

Rik Warch
not a sex fiend

Lawrence’s own ShontTay Bonesome has recently bridged the gap between the College and the Conservatory. Bonesome made a single (and sometimes double)-handed effort in procuring the link between the two sides of campus.Sources close to Bonesome have indicated that it all started with a pre-party drinking game where she, in a drunken stupor, candidly announced, “Never have I ever hooked up with a Connie.” While many of her friends took generous sips of Bacardi O and Orange juice and proceeded to get their pre-party black-out on, Bonesome was left contemplating the one sexual journey she had left to embark upon-composing a rapturous love song with a musician. It was at this point amidst the Bacardi and buddies that Bonesome resolved to unify for once and all the musicians with the scholars by removing the boulder from her love cave in the hopes that someone’s lucky trumpet would play sweet, vibrant music within it.

Fortunately for Bonesome, a lucky trumpet playah was ready and waiting for her love cave. The two met in an undisclosed bathroom last Saturday night and allowed the jackhammering action to take them to new and exotic levels of ecstasy.

When diagrammed, the link between Bonesome and the trumpeter connects all college students with all conservatory students through their respective sexual encounters.

When asked about the success of this unification of the College and the Con, incoming President Jill Beck commented, “ShontTay’s unrestricted access of the area between her thighs has rendered her an effective conduit in promoting a sort of unrestricted access between the College and the Conservatory. She is a student who has truly embraced the ‘liberal arts’ education to include sexual escapades across the disciplines. She is a true testament to the ‘Lawrence Difference.’