Tensions escalate in West Con-istan…

Rik Warch
Ambassador General

Tensions escalated this week as the standoff between the National Republic of the Conservatory and West Con-istan, a breakaway republic, entered their third week. Outside observers fear that the incident may lead to a full-scale war if a temporary peace agreement cannot be brokered.Hostilities began when a military putsch, led by Bridget-Michaele Reischl, declared Con West’s independence from The Conservatory. Senior officials in the Conservatory have imposed a gag order on all members of the official beauracracy, preventing anyone from speaking of West Con-istan’s justifications for the break.

An anonymous source has stated that the hostilities might have begun when office supplies and music stands were allegedly disappearing from the Western republic. Officials within the West Con-istan military government allege that the supplies were finding their way into offices of The Conservatory.

Steven Jordheim, a spokesman for West Con-istan, told reporters, “We have heard from reliable sources that the missing music stands have been discovered in the offices of Robert Levy, [The Conservatory Secretary of Homeland Security]. He has the stands, but he is hiding them in that cluttered office of his.”

Levy was unavailable to comment personally, but his office did issue a statement denying the allegations. “Mr. Levy’s office is indeed cluttered, but he is by no means hiding anything in that clutter.”

Member republics of the Intra-Lawrentian Council (ILC) have stepped up their demands that ILC Ambassador General Rik Warch intercede in the increasingly volatile situation.

Conservatory Chancellor Jeff Stanard joined with Kathleen Murray, Senior Counselor of The Republic of South Lawrencia, more commonly known as The College, in drafting a proposal to be given to Warch outlining a proposed peace agreement that would return West Con-istan to The Conservatory. As a compromise, the proposal creates The Con West autonomous region, to be patrolled by ILC peacekeeping forces indefinitely.

Critics of the plan claim that the ILC does not have the financial resources or manpower to maintain such an arrangement for more than six months. Other critics have lodged complaints against West Con-istan, claiming that the breakaway republic should be classified as a rogue nation with potential nuclear capabilities.

Dirck Vorenkamp, The College’s Ambassador-of-being-Tall-and-Bearded to China, issued a statement earlier this week claiming, “West Con-istan represents an imminent threat to all of the Lawrentian Republics. Reports from the British foreign ministry allege that the military leaders of West Con-istan have purchased weapons grade uranium from an African source.

“I know that I speak for several of my colleges when I say that the military oligarchy in West Con-istan must not be let off so easily. The ILC should move immediately to remove them from power and restore the state of Con West to its original status.”

Ambassador General Warch is expected to make a formal statement of his intentions Saturday morning after meeting with leaders from West Con-istan, the Conservatory and the College.

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