The true confessions of Super Senior 1060

Peter Gillette

It’s that time of year, when classes meet on Main Hall green, and people pretend to like you because you have a good lottery number. (For the record, I hold the third male spot on the Super Senior list, so keep those cards and letters coming.)There are the races to fill those quads, that last ditch frat recruitment to fill that other quad, and the psych-ops of trying to figure out which of the 14 people ahead of you on the list, the only 14 people ahead of you at all, are also angling for a Hiett single.

(Just remember, ladies: you don’t stand a chance. I will own one of those rooms come heck or high water – although if there were high water, I’m not sure I would want to live there.)

But when selecting a dorm, one fact is too often overlooked – the RLAs. A bad RLA – or, I should say, a good RLA – can ruin a year of your college experience. Now is the time when you must decide, fellow Lawrentians, what kind of RLA you want: do you want a “turn off the Skynrd and let Sue Ellen study!” RLA, or do you want a “mind if I have a drink and listen to Skynrd here, so Sue Ellen won’t find me and bother me?” kind of RLA.

Here are the names, Lawrentians. Call them. Court them. Hound them. Pursue the truth. Ask the tough questions: “What kind of RLA will you be?”, “Under what circumstances will incident reports be filed?”, “When it comes to quiet hours, do you believe in the ‘elastic clause,’ or are you a ‘strict constructionist?'”

Then, and only then, can you ensure that 2004-2005 will be the most – well, suitable – year it can be for you.

So, in the spirit of the residence life mission statement, The Lawrentian would like to let you decide for yourself which RLAs will best “provide a safe, comfortable living and learning environment which fosters the development of students.” We would also like to remind you that if you lose your housing contract – AND your proof of registration – you’ll wish you hadn’t.

On a final note, I could be persuaded to pursue a double if the price were right…