The Lawrence pianists have recently petitioned to have the entire conservatory locked 24 hours a day to anyone who is not a pianist. Due to the limited amount of “good” pianos — numbering about 32 — and the overwhelming fear of social interaction, pianists have recently muscled the Dean’s Advisory Committee into locking all the practice rooms that contain baby grand pianos, and coincidentally, ventilation. This move does not satisfy the needs of the budding pianists here at Lawrence University. One pianist, who cowered in fear when asked what his name was, claimed “I can’t be bothered with people when I have eight pages of Liszt to learn by Monday.” He continued, “Until they build us our own building and give each of us our own piano we have but one option and that is to completely control the practice facilities in the conservatory.” Many people are unhappy with this request, however, protests by other conservatory students have failed to move beyond the couches in the lobby. The proposal by the pianists will be voted on at the next DAC meeting, which has unfortunately ceased to exist in the minds of many conservatory students since James Hall relinquished his position as secretary.