A new school year is upon us, and with that comes a changing of the guard. Older readers of The Lawrentian may notice that I am not Evan Williams. More ancient readers may even realize that I am not Drew Baumgartner. For the last few years, one fifth year student is asked to write an advice column in an effort to inform and advise the student body on topics that hold some sort of importance to the author of this column. Unfortunately for you, that student is me.
While Drew may have offered wisdom derived from his experiences in both the college and the Con, I’ll most likely give my expert opinion on more important subjects ranging from Spiderman to Darkwing Duck. Instead of engaging in musical and political discourse with Evan, you’ll probably get a lecture on why “Good Burger” was the “Casablanca” of our generation.
But before we delve into the random and absurd workings of my mind, I might as well introduce myself. Hi, I’m Jacob Eugene Horn. Now that we have that out of the way, let’s move on.
I came to Lawrence as a music education major, dabbled in computer science, entertained the notion of becoming a psychology minor and eventually settled on a double major in unemployment and hobo logic — those keeping track at home will realize that I’m a trombone performance and English major, but that doesn’t sound nearly as funny as the term “hobo logic.”
I was an old man before you even came to this school. I’ve seen quite a few major events and changes in my four years on this campus. The closing of Lucinda’s and Downer to make way for the new Warch Campus Center has to be one of the key turning points of my tenure here. This new campus center seems to combine improved food quality with the décor of a modern industrial prison complex. I’m rather curious to meet the designer who thought exposed plumbing and concrete were appealing features.
I’ve also survived the many mini controversies that seem to plague this campus. From the hypothetical “meth lab” my freshmen year to the less than infamous “jock” Op-Ed, there always seems to be some defining bit of absurdity each year. Maybe in my last year here I myself can actually cause one of these moral panics.
I don’t know what this next year is going to bring, and I fear for the years after that, when I’ll be forced to leave this cloistral campus and obtain one of those unobtainable “careers.” But until then, I’ll be here to ramble on for my own amusement.
Hopefully my ranting hasn’t scared you off, because without you this column wouldn’t exist. I need your questions to fuel my chaotic ramblings on everything and nothing. So send any questions you might have about Lawrence, life or anything at all to me at email@example.com.