Lawrentian Gothic “Buridan’s Box”

Mail Services has changed its policy. There will be no simple transactions anymore. There will be no more receiving the packages at the window. The middle man will be taken out, and they will only deliver emails, scrolls or pigeons to students alerting them of their mail.

Amazon will make up for the lack of a middle man. It knows that its followers need their textbooks within a couple of days. It will do whatever it takes to get the packages to campus on time. Amazon takes to College Avenue and, as if it is a parade, chucks packages up and down the stretch of Lawrence’s campus. You receive twenty emails telling you your package has arrived. Where is the package, though?

Students scour the streets searching for the package that may contain the textbook essential to passing their class. You receive another email from mail services. “You know you need your textbook,” it says.

You wander around Main Hall green for hours, hoping to find your package. Older couples walk past and scoff, “These millennials don’t understand the value of a college education these days. They expect everything to be handed to them.” What does that even mean?

You finally spot one with your last name on it. Another person comes forward. They have the same last name. They have the same feelings, experiences and soul as you do. The package slides towards them. A classic case of Buridan’s donkey. You will never see your spiritually identical counterpart or mail again. You are glad the box made the choice.

It is night. As far as you can tell, the boxes are all gone. You receive another email from mail services. “Good luck,” it says. Carrier pigeons circle above you. The Amazon truck is gone. You have no choice.

You face your greatest fear—your SPC. There is no way your textbook could fit there. Absolutely no way. But you try anyway. Your combination doesn’t work. You work at it for hours. You think to yourself, “I could write my Senior Experience on this.”

Someone comes along and offers to help. You gladly accept. She turns it to the left once and it pops open. Keep her close. You will need her help with this for the rest of your time here.

You reach into your mailbox and from its very depths you pull your textbook. Amazon cannot defeat you. You defeated Amazon.

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