As mid-October approaches, I’m sure the idea of Halloween costumes has crossed most everybody’s mind. If you’re like me, you never have a clue what you will be. In fact, I haven’t had a real, actual, thought-out costume since middle school. This year, however, along with my goals of keeping my room moderately clean (so I can see the floor, or most of it) and taking fewer (six hour) naps, I am trying to find a cool, funny, unique, spunky costume earlier than the night of the 30th. Therefore, in order to help myself and anyone out there still looking for some ideas and inspiration, I present to you this list.
Spork: Although this probably requires a decent amount of white cardboard and/or plastic and/or white cloth and/or face paint and/or a thousand or so sporks, I think this costume should be up for consideration. Pro Tip: If you want it to be fancier, add a serrated edge and get a full silverware set combo.
Bathrobe: Okay, but hear me out for a second. You would wear a bathrobe. Be comfy. Room for easy ventilation and space to breathe. Countless options. Also, if people ask you if you’re supposed to be in pajamas or are Hugh Hefner, you can reply with a simple: “Nope. Bathrobe,” and exit with style.
Ceiling Tile: I think this would also require an ample amount of paint and cardboard. Maybe a sprinkler system. I’d like to see it done.
Oatmeal: No, not the can of oatmeal. The Quaker guy has been done countless times before. Instead, I’m looking for some lumpy brown beige stuff, some handmade cardboard oats, maybe a raisin or two. Spice it up with a brown sugar scented perfume or air freshener.
90’s Scrunchie and/or Barrette: There are two different paths to take with this costume, in my mind. First, find as many scrunchies and/or barrettes and glue them to yourself. Second, make one big one and go at it. Neon makeup is encouraged.
Tupperware: Pick your favorite way to store leftover food and make it human sized. I would think this requires a lot of plastic.
Mona Lisa: Renaissance dress from the waist up, whatever you want on the bottom. However, there’s no smiling allowed. A stone-faced Halloween.
Pizza Crust: It is completely up to you whether or not you make this costume edible. I think that the crust of the pizza is a very important aspect of the whole, and can make or break the gustatory experience. Pay tribute to the most underappreciated part of the pizza this Halloween.
Pistachio Shell: Similar to the idea listed above, stand out this holiday by dressing as the part of your foods most often ignored. Note: this is not me advocating for the consumption of pistachio shells.
Rock Salt Lamp: Last but not least, and my personal favorite, turn yourself into the Himalayan, air-purifying, mood-lighting masterpiece we all know and love. I have absolutely no idea how this would be accomplished. Good luck.