Lawrentian Gothic “A Thirst for Knowledge”

It’s late in the term and you find that you are absolutely exhausted. You need to blow off some steam, and Netflix and chugging energy drinks just won’t cut it this time. A party is what is in store for you tonight. There’s no putting it off any longer.

You’ve seen posters littered around campus about the “Frets and Debts” band that’s visiting campus for a big concert. You know nothing about where the event will be held, nor do you know anything about the band itself. The poster will have all the answers, so you start out from your residence to find one.

Your memory has failed you. There aren’t any posters littered around campus. You frantically wander around in search of information. Finally, you get up the nerve to ask someone for help. They grin and grab your hand. You are led by this stranger to Main Hall. “Where is the poster?” You plead. They continue smiling and point up towards the dome on the top of Main Hall. You break free of their grasp and take a few steps back to get a better view. Your strange friend was right. On top of Main Hall are hundreds of flyers and posters. It makes total sense to you now. What better place is there to put posters that Lawrence’s “Nipple of Knowledge?” You turn to thank them, but they have disappeared. You wonder if they are a tour guide, who are notorious for their silent, “show-me-don’t-tell-me” tours.

Now that you know where the information is located, you have to find a way to get to the top. It isn’t the appropriate time of the year for you to request a visit. Regardless, you call campus safety and request access. They respond, “We cannot let you inside knowing what we know. It isn’t safe yet.” Before you can ask any questions, they hang up. You sigh and accept that you will have to get to the top by yourself.

Outdoor Recreation Club is your next stop. You go before the president and plead for them to lend you rock climbing equipment. They stare down at you from atop their arboreal thrones. They shake their heads. “We can’t lend you that.” Your heart sinks. “However,” they say, “you may ride a tree to the top.” The Outdoor Recreation Club leaders guide you to one of the big trees right outside of Main Hall. They help you up onto a lower branch. Once you are all settled in, they tap the trunk twice and the tree shoots up rapidly towards the top. You step off and wave to Outdoor Recreation Club. You wonder why tree-taming isn’t a club at Lawrence.

You climb towards the top of the Nipple of Knowledge. After a few minutes of awkward missteps, you grab a hold of the poster you were seeking. Upon having retrieved it, you take a look. Confusion envelopes you. There is no date, time or location on the flyer.

Once you make it down to the bottom of Main Hall, you stop someone on the sidewalk. “Have you heard of the band Frets and Debts?” You ask. They enthusiastically explain their infatuation with the early 2000s pop band. You ask them if they know when they’re coming to campus. They shake their head and apologize. You frantically run around campus asking around to see if anyone knows when and where the Frets and Debts are playing. No one knows.

A month passes by. You wonder if the band ever visited campus. Part of you wonders if they even exist. Part of you feels dead inside for not having had a night out in over a month. You sigh and turn back to your homework.