Aries – Pour yourself a drink and cut yourself some bangs.
Taurus – [Cal*fornian accent] [REDACTED]
Gemini – You can stop faking your lactose intolerance now.
Cancer – Embrace the love all around you, even when it is kind of gross.
Leo – Okay? Okay.™
Virgo – We all want to listen to what you have to say, and you have so much to say all of a sudden!
Libra – Probably lay low for a while.
Scorpio – Sometimes you have to cut down trees to fuel your inner bonfire.
Sagittarius – ABBA is back and so are you!
Capricorn – Be your own cowboy.
Aquarius – Minneapolis has so much to offer! Good luck!
Pisces – Time to crawl out of that gutter you are sleeping in and put on a show.