Last year, the Secret Order of Kevins (SOOK) remained so secret that it consisted of little more than a secret emailing list and regular top-secret meetings attended only by the president (that’s me!). Having learned from my sufferings, this year I decided to make the organization non-exclusive, and to appeal to the common man by trolling the common man.
To begin, on Friday, September 14, SOOK made its debut in front of the student body of Lawrence University by taking the activity fair by storm. I created a giant poster displaying our logo — a shield emblazoned with the letter “K.” Helping publicize the organization was a non-Kevin, who for security reasons will be referred to only as “Kevin.”
What we had was a promise: no emails, no commitment and “in fact, you’ll never hear from us again.” Later in the evening, we added that we were the fastest-growing organization on campus.
As it turned out, by the end of the night we had over 150 new members — and can you blame them? Joining was as easy and fun as writing your name on my arm! What started as a mission to troll the activity fair turned into a quest to hold a large part of campus in my hands — literally!
Now it is time for that part of campus to do my bidding: my fellow Kevins, rise up! Because what I did not say before is that while SOOK is no-commitment, it will be used as an avenue for social change! And the time for that change is now!
My first decree as president of SOOK: My fellow Kevins (and Kevinettes), keep your residence hall bathroom clean! Wear a helmet when biking or long boarding! Recycle! And please, please hold true the academic honor code as you would hold a baby.
Tune in next week for an article about something completely different!