Horoscopes

Aries (March 21 – April 19) – hydraulic press: ASMR is not even in your vocabulary, nice try.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20) – paint mixing: you enjoy the nice things in life, like oil paints.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) – tapping: your nail beds are incredible, and I applaud you for that.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) – whispering: you pretend you’re not sexual, but we all know the truth.

Leo (July 23 – August 22) – food eating/mukbangs: some people (including me) refuse to listen to you.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22) – soap cutting: beautiful, dangerous and easily the best one.

Libra (September 23 – October 22) – calligraphy: the subtle scratchy tones of ink hugging the paper. We get it! You like fonts!

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) – slime: calm down for just a minute and get off of Instagram.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) – chalk-eating: you have a calcium deficiency.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) – tire crushing: can you even drive?

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) – floral foam: sometimes you do… questionable things to the environment.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20) – kinetic sand: the rich man’s brown sugar.

 

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