A petition to Chip and Joanna Gaines

For those unfamiliar with happiness and beauty, Chip and Joanna (Jo) Gaines are the stars of the HGTV hit show “Fixer Upper.” Chip, a carpenter and handyman, works with his wife, Joanna, a designer and architect, in order to renovate outdated homes for clients in the beautiful metropolis known as Waco, Texas. Basically, they are the Stacy London and Clinton Kelly of the home renovation community. They have five beautiful, thriving children whose names are Drake, Duke, Ella Rose, Emmie Kay and a baby named Crew who was just born last summer. Drake is 13, Ella Rose is 11, Duke is 10, and Emmie Kay is 8. Chip and Jo have made it a point to raise their children different than most. According to Jo, the kids will not get phones until they leave for college, and the family does not have a television.

As someone who struggles to value the little things in life, and as someone who also wants to be a child, I am petitioning Chip and Joanna Gaines of Waco, Texas to adopt me as their newest child. Yes, I am 20 years old and have a loving family of my own, but I think it is time I branch out and really discover my true calling. I would fit in incredibly well with their family and would provide a sense of maturity and nuance that the family, at this point, seems to lack due to the ages of their children as well as the fact that I have a phone, unlike their children, and have access to current news and pop culture trends. Furthermore, Joanna has publicly stated that she would be really excited if she found out that she was having another baby, meaning I would be a welcome addition to the family regardless of any merit scholarship.

I would just like to state my case for Chip and Joanna Gaines’ adoption of me into their beautiful family. It should be noted that Chip and Joanna Gaines and their children love animals and have a farm with over 60 animals. I, too, love animals and have experience working with them as well. With a 40-acre farm, I am sure they could use an extra hand with the chores and farm work that need to be done, which I would be more than happy to take on. The kids are also musical—both of the boys play guitar. I could add to that musicality in the family, as I dabble in French horn and am a self-proclaimed casual opera singer. The girls in the family love to bake, and while I may not be able to be trusted to make chocolate chip cookies, I am a great back seat chef in the kitchen and would provide an endless slew of suggestions and “Carla of Bon Appetit does it this way…” type statements. Not only would I fit in with the kids in our hobbies, but in our speech as well. I have been known to fake a Texas accent with a panache only a Texan could muster up. This way, there would not be a language barrier between us for family dinners and the like.

I could also be a very valuable asset to the Fixer Upper crew, as I have boundless energy for demolition and a free flowing waterfall of creativity that can be directed toward interior design. Some other factors that would help me in my goal to be a part of the Gaines family include my love of real estate, shiplap, subway tile, cased openings, kitchen islands, open floor plans, exposed beams, antiquing and basically all of the things that are so highly valued in the Gaines lifestyle.

In closing, I would be the perfect addition to the Gaines family. Not only would I benefit from their farm lifestyle and their attention to detail when it comes to interior design, but they would benefit from my presence in their lives and my ability to help out with their business and their children. Honestly, it is a clear win-win situation for everyone.

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