Horoscopes: The Signs as Green Tea-Flavored Items

Aries (March 21 – April 19) — matcha Lay’s potato chips: sometimes you try to help, but your efforts make things worse. Step back for a moment and reevaluate.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20) — green tea ice cream: everything is going to be okay. You’re refreshed and gorgeous.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) — matcha ChocoPie: sweetness and seduction go well together.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) — green tea Pocky: like shoving matchsticks into the bonfire that is your mouth. Loud.

Leo (July 23 – August 22) — green tea latte: you should try the frappe of the month.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22) — green tea Kit Kat: elusive perfection.

Libra (September 23 – October 22) — matcha Greek yogurt: there’s always next time.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) — green tea Coca-Cola: once again, you’ve gone out of control.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) — green tea Cup Noodles: feed your inner demon.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) — matcha chocolate chips: hot and sexy; makes a great ganache.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) — green tea Oreos: better than it has any right to be.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20) — green tea mochi: ideal combination of chewiness and love.

 

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