Tarantulas are fun

I do not want to hear another person’s whines and complaints when I show them fun and fresh pictures of spiders. Spiders are so beautiful and so sexy, and to hear someone say “Ew, Simone, why are you showing this to me? It’s lunch time; I’m eating. Stop showing me pictures of spiders,” my heart weeps for them, because I know they do not have the appreciation or love in their hearts that I have for arachnids. In this essay, I will argue the many merits of spiders that make them really fun and not scary. 

Everyone likes dogs or cats, or maybe even both. Do you know who is also big and fuzzy? Spiders. Tarantulas. Tarantulas are massive, fuzzy creatures with beautiful, sweet faces comparable to that of a Pekingese dog or Scottish fold cat. If you love dogs or cats, consider also loving tarantulas. Tarantulas come in many shapes and sizes. There are New World tarantulas and Old World tarantulas. What differentiates the two is their defense mechanisms, as well as their habitat, obviously. New World tarantulas, found in the Americas, have urticating hairs as their main defense. Urticating hairs are irritating hairs that a tarantula kicks at its foe using its back legs. These hairs get stuck in the foe’s skin, causing irritation and discomfort. Urticating hairs are similar to the hairs on nettle plants, and can cause the same reactions, like rashes and inflammation, as well as irritation to mucous membranes. Old World tarantulas do not possess urticating hairs and instead use their nasty disposition and venomous bites to ward off attackers. Either way, both kinds of tarantulas are totally fun and sexy and perfect for dog and cat lovers everywhere. 

I am someone who is, unfortunately, a picky eater. I do not really like cheese, and I do not like avocados, condiments, squashes, zucchini, cucumber, beets, Greek yogurt, honey, cashews or whole grain pasta, among many other things. This is an unlikeable quality of mine and is something I work toward changing every day of my life. But I do understand that it is not sexy of me to not like mac and cheese. Spiders on the other hand? They will eat literally anything. That is so sexy of them. Tarantulas in particular have an extremely varied diet, and are known to eat centipedes, millipedes, other spiders, lizards, mice, bats, birds and even small snakes. I literally would never eat any of those things, except for like, chicken because that is a bird. That is so sexy of them to eat so many things that I would not eat. 

Not to be too self-deprecating, but my legs are absolute trash compared to a tarantula’s legs. They not only have four pairs of legs (adding up to eight in total), but each leg also has seven segments. Personally, I do not have segments of my legs that I know of! But tarantulas have seven: the coxa, trochanter, femur, patella, tibia, tarsus and pretarsus, not to mention the claw. Do you know how many segments that is? It is seven! It gets even better. At the end of each appendage surrounding the claws is a special tuft of hairs called the scopula. The scopula helps the tarantula to get a better grip when scaling smooth surfaces like glass. That is so sexy for them to be able to climb glass! Tarantulas have been breaking glass ceilings for decades. 

Basically, there is no reason to not like tarantulas, and if you do not like them, you are just dumb. They are fuzzy, easy to take out to dinner and have legs for days. Nothing about this should be a turn off. In fact, it should be a turn on. Stop being scared of tarantulas and start falling in love with your new best friends!