Horoscopes: The Signs as Types of Tarantulas

Taurus (April 20 – May 20) — Ivory-billed ornamental tarantula: all four pairs of your legs are identical, and you do not hesitate to bite. 

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) — Chaco golden knee tarantula: docile and opportunistic, as a pet, you are easily cared for and great for beginners. 

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) — Greenbottle blue tarantula: voracious feeder whose beautiful colors and skittish personality make you perfect as a display animal. Also tends to be possessive.  

Leo (July 23 – August 22) — Goliath birdeater: rarely even eats birds but okay sure put it in your name. 

Virgo (August 23 – September 22) — Antilles pinktoe tarantula: an arboreal legend known for its extreme beauty and grace. 

Libra (September 23 – October 22) — Brazilian salmon pink bird-eating tarantula: absolutely massive with a readiness to breed! Considered to be “docile,” but when interacting with a Libra, do stay vigilant. 

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) — Orange baboon tarantula (OBT): also known as “orange bitey thing,” you are more than willing to inflict a major bite. Stop freaking out. 

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) — Brazilian black tarantula: why do you only eat mealworms, crickets, roaches and other small insects? Expand your diet. Try something new. 

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) — Mexican fireleg tarantula: you will live forever. 

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) — Indian ornamental tarantula: your massive fangs can lead to bacterial infections, not even counting the potential venom that could have been injected. Don’t forget to brush your teeth. 

Pisces (February 19 – March 20) — Peacock tarantula: beautiful until you inject venom.