Lore-ence: Lawrence introduces new show: “Warch Watch”

Students are stressed as ever as week five of Winter Term draws to a close. Lawrence University has acknowledged this stress and has vowed to do what it takes to aid students in this trying time. The main, and only, thing that was proposed at an emergency meeting was a new show called “Warch Watch.” Lawrence higher-ups hope that Lawrence based comedy will help soothe the worries of its burned out student body. After all, we thrive when we can relate.

By now, everyone knows that there is a surveillance camera that posts a picture of what goes on in front of Warch every three minutes. Warch Watch directly draws from this idea. For every picture, one unpaid film intern will come up with Lawrence things for people to say that match the scenario in front of the Campus Center. 

The unpaid intern will be hired and put through a four-hour orientation on how to talk like, act like and think like a Lawrence student. They will be forced to write three short essays on why three randomly assigned memes from the Lawrence University meme page are funny. If they pass this test, they will be allowed to be the voice of “Warch Watch” until they choose to part with the position. 

The “show” will not be so much a show but rather a voice over. The unpaid intern will be expected to come up with constant content. In the wee hours of the night, when few are awake, the intern will continue to work tirelessly, as they will be expected to be on duty eternally. The intern will only be allowed to sleep when there is no one in front of Warch. There is some concern that some students may take advantage of this rule by making sure someone stands in front of Warch at all times. Meal and bathroom breaks are allowed for only the three minutes in between pictures, allowing a generous three minutes of rest. It is projected that each intern will last a week before quitting. Unfortunately, a raise of 10 cents can only be earned every two weeks. 

 The show will be completely free to produce, aside from the potential 10 cent per week raise for the interns, and is expected to boost morale of the student body by 110%. People have described it as revolutionary for student involvement, morale and engagement. There will be no reruns, which encourages the constant engagement of the student body for fear of missing out. People have said that those who hold the position of unpaid intern will benefit for the rest of their life as it prompts them to take on improvisation in their most delirious, burned out states. 

There are some ethical concerns for working the intern so hard for so little pay. The University has refuted these concerns by stating that it is simply the Lawrence way. If students are not sleep deprived and delirious, who are they?

The show is said to premier next Wednesday, Feb. 12, 2020 at 4:30 to kick off reading period. The producers of this show are hoping that students will tune in over their reading period and get hooked. It is their biggest hope that people will continue to engage in the content even after reading period is over and things become stressful once again.