Lore-ence: Lawrence officially becomes nap-friendly

The following story is satire. All events and characters are fictional.

As eighth week draws to a close, almost everyone at Lawrence University is exhausted. Students can be found dropping to the floor around campus to take sporadic, well-needed naps. Some staff and faculty members have said that they no longer feel comfortable driving home when they are so sleepy. It is clear that everyone needs a little extra sleep. This exact reason is why the Lawrence University higher-ups have decided to make the sleep-deprived decision to make Lawrence a “nap-friendly” campus. 

For their first act of making Lawrence more nap-friendly, a stack of five blankets are now available on every floor of every building on campus. They are handmade with love by a number of faculty and staff and are guaranteed to make you feel at home and cozy. Just beside these stacks, you can find an additional stack of five pillows so that you can rest your head while dozing off. The pillows and blankets can be found under the fire extinguisher receptacles, as they are considered just as important as fire safety at this point. Sleep masks will not be provided, as the higher ups believe that if you are too tired to make it home to sleep, you will most likely be able to sleep just fine without one. 

One requirement for sleeping around campus is to avoid being a safety hazard. This means steering clear of aisles and exits, in case there is a fire. Sleeping on the stairs is also prohibited. If sleeping causes (physical) harm to yourself or others, do not do it. If it impacts your grades, that is your choice. 

This decision is in fact expected to boost safety around campus. If you have ever been bumped into by a sleep-deprived zombie of a student, you will no longer have to worry about this fate. Allowing students and faculty to sleep wherever they like makes napping incredibly accessible. Scraping five minutes off a commute to the dorm to lay your head down provides five extra minutes of sleep time, which will decrease accidents.  

So far, this idea has been received with open arms. When students were questioned about the change, they simply yawned and walked away to the nearest fire extinguisher receptacle to procure a blanket and pillow. If that doesn’t speak to the effectiveness of the program, I don’t know what will. Faculty responded with similar candor, stating that they now feel safer driving home because they are a fraction more rested. Some faculty have started to bring blankets and pillows from home for their offices. Staff members say that taking naps on their breaks is part of the reason that they are so energetic and caring towards the students.

While some students have taken advantage of the blankets and pillows to nap on the go, other more energetic students have decided to have more fun with them. Throughout the week, walking down any academic hallway leads to the danger of getting hit in the middle of a pillow fight. Some of the physics students have made pillow forts out of the granted supplies. One student who was inspired by the activity said that they are going to write their capstone on the physics of pillow forts.

Whether you are a student, faculty or staff member, there is something for everyone in this new initiative. Take some time this eighth week to be a little silly or allow yourself to take a nap. As a campus, it is what we all need.