Petty Peeves

How did that one song written by Bruce Springsteen and popularized by British rock band Manfred Mann’s Earth Band go? I think it was something along the lines of, “Blinded by the toenail absolutely SENT from the shockingly archaic miniature hedge clippers,” right? 

Speaking of, why is that chrome-plated guillotine our default for trimming our nails? You all know the one I’m talking about — just two little blades that are simultaneously way too curved and not nearly curved enough with the weird handle that you have to swivel around to get into the chopping position and requires so much more effort to hack through millimeters of keratin than it should. 

I have no doubt there are fine alternatives out there. The nail file is obviously quite popular, and there are more likely than not plenty of info-mercial products that would do the trick, but when I think “nail clipper” I think the tool Jackson from “Hannah Montana” used to project his nails at a gong. That scene was disturbing enough to stick with me through the years, and it bothers me to this day.

Some take the care to clip their nails over a trash can and pay close attention to where the nail shards go, but, inevitably, some will get away regardless of the amount of effort applied. That is the best case scenario. I don’t even want to speculate on the worst case scenario. Why is this disaster of a hygiene utensil our go-to? It could not be that difficult to at least adapt it to contain the human shrapnel.

Oh wait, the song was just “Blinded by the light.” Nevermind. . .