Week 9 Horoscopes

Please do not actually do some of these or you may be penalized by law <3

Aries: Husk as much corn as you can, be ahead of the curve. I sense a corn shortage happening. Iowa is drifting away from the rest of the states as WE SPEAK.

Taurus: Start wearing a cape around just in case the avengers-recruiter-guy is walking around campus. You never know. Right place right time. 

Gemini: It’s high time that someone mixed funfetti cake mix with charcoal toothpaste. Without people creating these mixtures society loses everything.

Cancer: Nail horseshoes into the wall of your dorm and run a full-functioning saloon out of it. Your CA will think its so cool that they simply have to let it keep happening.

Leo: It’s time for you to dress up as a wizard and sit in on LUCC general council meetings. Where is the wizard position? Bring a wand, too.

Virgo: Consider doing one of those 60 second do-as-many-as-you-can math problem work sheets. It will increase your brain power and make you seem wicked smart.

Libra: Please create a new cream cheese flavor. I, for one, am quite bored with the current selection.

Scorpio: Start your own glass making business. Find a beach with A LOT of sand and simply turn it into glass! Voila!

Sagittarius: Focus on fixing public transportation. There’s too many trains. It’s time to implement boats in cities. Carve out streets and make them into canals. Start with College Ave.

Capricorn: Find a dictionary and make a crown out of the loose sheets of paper. It’s sustainable an you might learn a thing or two! 

Aquarius: Put so much oil in your hair that people think you’ve just taken a shower. Before they even ask, remind them, “It’s oil”. They will be so impressed. You will also be a fire hazard.

Pisces: Use a bunch of crayons to make stilts. Like, build them so high that people wont even see you, they will just see the crayons. People love crayons, they will be so surprised!