I’m Nobody. From Nowhere. Doing Nothing.
It’s nice to meet you, but here’s the thing. I need you to understand something. An essential factor to your quality of life.
You don’t have to read this. In fact, you probably shouldn’t.
Look, I get it. I enjoy reading too. My best friends live in books. But I’m not about to jump out of the pages and trade friendship bracelets with you. Make like the low expectations of my title and leave while your tiny person is viable.
You’re still reading this, so we must have a lot in common. Even if you are a Somebody, from Somewhere, doing Something, most Somebodies don’t go around reading about Nobodies. Still, life is measured in seconds. Stop wasting yours. Ahead will lie disappointment, betrayal, and burnt chocolate chip waffles. Some of the worst things in life.
I tried to warn you. But, since you’re still here, I suppose introductions are in order.
If you asked my therapist, parents, or the other simpletons in my non-life, they’d all introduce me the same way.
Benjamin Daniel Wood, from Delcoph, New York, doing Everything Wrong.