Valentine’s Day can be good for singles, too


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My mother has never liked holidays. Her childhood home life was less than ideal, to put it nicely, and so she has always particularly felt the stress and high expectations of the holiday season. She’s never liked surprises and she’s too impatient to wait for a particular day to give a good gift. She hates the idea of lying to children — particularly since she never really experienced the holiday magic which those lies are meant to uphold — so I knew that Santa was a lie from the day I could express excitement about Christmas. Not to mention, my mother lost her faith in Christianity somewhere around when I was in middle school, which certainly did not aid in her Christmas spirit.

This may sound like I’m dumping my childhood trauma or telling you how awful my mother is, but that’s not what I’m doing at all. I love my mother very dearly; she has been a best friend to me at many points in my life. The exception to her general disdain for family holidays has always been Valentine’s Day. It was never something we would gather people for or properly celebrate in the way other holidays are observed, but she would always get me a little pink and red treat on the day and make a point to make it feel special. We would pass through the Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc. with a groan and a monologue about the arbitrariness of celebrating just another date on the calendar, but Valentine’s Day was always treated with almost hypocritical care and respect.

When I was a kid, I absorbed my mother’s lack of enthusiasm for holidays. I smiled when my grandparents tried to get me to believe in Santa, and I loved all the treats, of course, but festivity was always tacky in my house. It wasn’t until years after my parents were divorced, when my father married a woman with an incredibly happy family who celebrated Christmas for days in a row, that I finally started to see the joy behind all of the holiday kitsch. I gained some holiday spirit as I experienced a new type of family, yet still nothing beats my love of Valentine’s Day.

A not insignificant part of my love for the day, in addition to my fond childhood memories, is my only recently newly discovered love of heart-shaped things. Much of my youth was spent living as contrary to gender norms as humanly possible; not because I was told I couldn’t, but just because I liked so much to be different. I thought people who fell into stereotypes were annoying, and the closest stereotype I was capable of falling into was that of a girl. I got my hair cut boy-short, I started wearing bowties (this was in middle school, if you can imagine) and I shunned pink and glitter and makeup and all the things “normal” girls my age were scorned for liking.

I know now that I wasn’t and still am not fully a girl, which was definitely a big factor in my contrarianism. But it is also a vital part of maturing as an assigned-female-at-birth (AFAB) person to develop an understanding of the internalized misogyny that exists in the rejection of the traditionally feminine. Pink is a lovely color. Glitter is for everyone. Makeup is an incredible art form. And hearts are not just a vapid attempt to look cuter; sometimes, they are a genuine expression of joy and appreciation in one’s mind. I grew to become less upset with the world, more comfortable in my own gender presentation and thus much more excited about expressing my happiness through hearts and heart-shaped objects.

Last year, my sophomore year of college, was my very first year being able to celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone I am actually in a romantic relationship with. Before then, however, despite the lament of singles everywhere when the holiday of love comes around, I was always able to celebrate the non-romantic kinds of love. I have a deep, grateful sort of love for the community around me, the people by my side and the experiences I get the opportunity to partake in. Since learning in high school that being a mean person is a bad way to live, today I try to live my life as guided by love, in all its various forms, as possible. Valentine’s Day, with all its pink and red heart-shaped kitsch, is the sweetest embodiment of my appreciation for love. I get giddy with excitement as the holiday approaches, and I get to surround myself with the sentiments of camaraderie, companionship and community which have kept me alive in the hardest parts of my life. I hope others, even those without romance in their lives, are able to appreciate the delight of Valentine’s Day as well.