Ask A Fifth-Year: Claustrophobia

Jacob Horn

Dear Jacob,


It’s only my sophomore year and I think I’m starting to go crazy. Lawrence is so small and I feel a little bit claustrophobic. I feel like there are not enough exciting things to do here. What can I do?




Bored Sophomore


Bored, I feel like there’s too much to do here sometimes. Concerts every weekend, lectures, interesting films, blahblahblahdyblah. But seriously, it gets pretty boring here.
 Somehow, I’ve survived Lawrence these past five years without going crazy.


Actually, for those of you keeping score at home, I’ve lived in Appleton for the past 23 years, born in St. Elizabeth’s Hospital just down Oneida Street. I remember useless things that no one cares about with regards to this surrounding area! I remember when Pilgrim’s Café closed down well before Harmony swooped in. I remember trying to get a high school job at Conkey’s before it closed — and then settling for Pages and Pipes.


As you can see, Bored, I’ve been here for quite a bit longer than you. My best nugget of advice is to make your own fun. You can only go to the movies and bowling so many times before they start to lose their luster. You might become so bored that going to Skate City seems like a good idea. For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, which is all of you, Skate City is the local roller rink here in my hometown. There’ve been multiple rumors that someone was killed there, but those are all lies. There have been multiple stabbings on multiple occasions, but I don’t think anyone has actually died.


On to the rest of the article! Where was I?

Make your own fun! Don’t like the music on campus? Start a band! That’s how my high school years were spent. Don’t like the movies? Make your own! There is a lot of embarrassing footage of me and my friends attempting to make humorous, Who’s Line Is It Anyway-styled videos for me to care for.


Somehow, I’ve avoided going too crazy. Well, crazy is a relative term. Anecdote time!
 Sometime last year, when I thought I wasn’t crazy, I woke up with the feeling that all time had both stopped and melded together. Crazy? Yes. Let’s continue. I wanted to get some breakfast, but I didn’t move since the cafeteria would be both open and closed, you know, since all time had stopped and melded together. I then remember brief, sporadic passages of time.


I remember putting clothes on — thankfully — walking into the Conservatory, walking out of the Conservatory, standing at the crosswalk by College Ave, not crossing College Ave — once again, thankfully not crossing — and then getting back into bed.

Looking back, I was probably just sleepwalking or drunk.
 So, Bored, in conclusion, you are going to go crazy. It’s not a matter of if, but when. Just make sure you have some fun when you finally lose it.
 If you want me to reveal psychotic, but still kind of boring details about my life, please email me at