Regarding recent changes to printer policy

It has recently come to the attention of many Lawrence students that their former relationships with the printers scattered around campus have come to a close. In favor of better functionality, software upgrades were implemented over break, which means students are now required to both disconnect from their previous printer settings and then re-engage with the new system. This has caused a minor uproar among the student body, particularly those with pressing deadlines and too many emails in their inbox to find the one with the link to the new connection instructions. Some say they have wasted over thirty minutes they could have spent writing their paper about Henrietta Lacks reading through what turned out to be the Windows XP instructions, when their operating system was, in fact, Mac OS X.

Students seeking aid through various acquaintances studying or working in various computer- or printer-related fields were dismayed when these individuals, relied on so often for removing viruses or explaining how to torrent that new Arcade Fire album, were just as stumped as they were, often too busy trying to sort out the problem for themselves to lend a hand to their English major friends.

Printocalypse, as many have begun to call it, has students verbally and, in rare cases, physically assaulting each other for use of the computer terminals located next to “print release stations,” already connected to the new printer network, which one frazzled student described as “aggravating and maze-like,” before demanding another student finish printing his essay, already at high volume.

There have been more severe consequences of what has begun to be known as print-2k-14, as returning students residing in Colman Hall discovered their computer lab had vanished “as if overnight” during their six week Winter Break. Tucked away in the corner of a different room, the printer still functions; however, after continued use by those who did manage to find it, it had run out of paper – the lab runners who restock these machines are as clueless to this printer’s location as almost everyone else.

Students who sought refuge at their home-away-from-campus, Harmony Café, which hosts a small printer with a much larger service charge, lost hope when they found all of the connected computers occupied by Appleton residents, mostly playing Runescape. The pressures finally broke even the most resolute when they read the banner in the entryway, proclaiming Harmony would no longer offer their student-acclaimed food after the Monday, Jan. 20.

Fortunately, some students have managed to crack the elusive printer-connectivity case, and have discovered a silver lining to all the despair: Printing double-sided is finally an option.

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