I think you get a lot of crap. So many people despise you, resent you, and fear the day the last autumn leaf falls and your first cold breeze blows across campus. It is true that I, too, hate you with every fiber of my being. However, I also believe that you deserve more credit than you usually get. Therefore, in an act of good will, I present you with a list of reasons why people should hate you less, or, at the very least, cut you a little slack.
- Your gray, dark skies inspire us all to get more vitamin C in our diet. Your ice, too, reminds us to consume more calcium so that when we all do inevitably fall, we won’t break all of the bones in our bodies.
- The rampant plagues that wreak havoc on all Lawrentians during your stay here give us perfect excuses to skip class.
- Your painfully frigid air allows us to rock layers upon layers of new clothes from the holidays. Those terrible, itchy hats and scarves our grandmas made us will finally see the light of day. Also, who needs to worry about hat hair when everybody has it. Another plus? The heavy boots we are forced to wear because of you let us strengthen our calf muscles.
- You encourage us all get a full night’s sleep. When it gets dark at 4 pm, after all, what else is there to do? (For more reasons we sleep a lot, see #2)
- Your bleak landscape (think mud-stained ice and dried out, salt-encrusted pavement) trains us to appreciate even the smallest amount of color.
- Your windy hail storms act as natural exfoliants on the small parts of skin we have exposed. What better way to get rid of those pesky extra layers of skin than to get them buffed off by ice pellets? Along the same lines, dry, cracked, and bloodied knuckles serve as kind reminders to moisturize.
- Even with Valentine’s Day around the corner, outdoor PDA is severely minimized. Who can hold hands with huge bulky mittens on? Who’s gonna spend those extra seconds or minutes outside in below-zero weather to kiss or hug one another?
- Seasonal Affective Disorder: your not so subtle way of inspiring us all to write sad, moody, depressing poetry.
- It is socially acceptable to drink hot chocolate whenever we please, however much we please. In this regard, the colder the weather, the better.
- Lastly, dear winter, you encourage all of us to have good hygiene. No more skipping shower days, because when you are at your worst, shower time might be the only time of day we actually feel warm. And if we make the mistake of going outside before our hair is dry, hair-cicles (as I like to call them) are a fun way to make new friends. (“Anyone want to feel my hair? It’s completely frozen!”)
So, in conclusion, I still hate you, winter. I long for you to leave. Nevertheless, I guess you could be worse.