The following story is satire. All events and characters are fictional.
We all like to be recognized for our hard work. Lawrence University has had a history of recognizing students and staff alike, as evidenced by the Honor’s Convocation held each year. However, this convocation happens once a year at the end of the year. People have questioned if it would be wise to bring in another celebration earlier in the year. Some say that it would be, as it would keep students and faculty motivated to keep trying their best. Others say that it’s best to wait until the end of the year so that an entire year’s worth of achievements can be celebrated.
The proposed recognition ceremony would be divorced from the prestigious Honor’s Convocation. Instead, it would be a silly affair devoted to every day happenings. It has been suggested that it should take place right after Halloween, so that everyone’s spookiest efforts can be recognized. In essence, instead of an academic Honor’s ceremony, it would be one based on one’s spirit, both in school and in life.
There would be a few categories. Strategically held after Halloween, many of the awards will be based on the holiday. Another category will be in relation to Welcome Week. The third category will be on day-to-day actions.
One must go all out to win one of the coveted Halloween awards. One is, “best pumpkin decorating.” Students may have observed carved pumpkins around campus, and this feat will not go uncelebrated. While students may not have put their names on their masterpieces, surveillance tape will help to track down each talented carver. While some think that this is a violation of student privacy, others think it’s time that students get recognized for the hard work they do. Another award is best costume. On Thursday, students and faculty could be seen parading around campus with some conspicuous costumes. The most outrageous costumes of all deserve the most recognition, and there are two prizes to be won. There will be other prizes, but they have been kept anonymous so that students don’t get ahead of themselves and cause too much chaos.
Welcome Week is another time filled with festivities. Awards for this category will be specific to incoming freshmen and transfer students and their CORE leaders. Every student who has maintained all their Welcome Week friendships up until this point in the term will be awarded. Every CORE leader will be named in the program, as they all deserve recognition for their hard work and community building.
Finally, day-to-day activities will be celebrated. These awards have not been named yet, as the day-to-day activities are unique to each member of our campus. While it won’t be an annual award, students will be remembered for the small things they did. We expect there to be “record for how long a door was held open for other people” and “farthest distance someone said ‘bless you’ to a stranger” awards. If you notice people lurking around campus with notepads, stopwatches and rulers, they are most likely taking data for this ceremony.
While some may feel like these awards are infringing on Lawrence University members’ privacy, we also like knowing what great unnoticed things are going around our campus. Student motivation dips frequently on this campus and having small bits of recognition throughout the year may prove helpful to the students and faculty who work so hard. While there is an overwhelming amount of opposition to this new awards ceremony, it is possible that it will happen regardless.