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Breakup culture is brutal. From the countless hit songs about jaded ex-lovers to the dozens of movies where the protagonist sees their ex and instantly enters a state of existential dread, we exist with the cultural understanding that breakups are inherently volatile or tragic. While I’ve heard many real-life stories of relationships that met a grisly end, I’ve also recently witnessed several examples of a different kind of breakup – one that stems from compassion and mutual respect rather than anger or bitterness.
Pop culture often oversimplifies romantic relationships to fit plotlines that are heartwarming but largely unrealistic. Most romance films feature love as the decisive factor in a romantic relationship; regardless of the circumstances, the lovers will prevail as long as their love is strong enough to overcome the obstacles. The heroine who gives up her corporate promotion in New York to be with her small-town lover is one of the most overused romantic comedy tropes. The romance genre constantly asserts that love is an all-powerful force that defies logic and practicality.
Conversely, tragic romances usually end only due to extreme circumstances that are out of the lovers’ control, like the sinking of the Titanic. Even when films do incorporate realistic obstacles, they’re often handled in a dramatic, romanticized way that aligns with the goals of the plot. We don’t see the Hallmark movie where the businesswoman must make the difficult choice to call things off with the man she loves and take that promotion she’s been pursuing for years. The entertainment industry has taught us that relationships end for two reasons: tragedy or lack of love.
There’s a logical explanation for this: the purpose of movies is to entertain, and realistic relationships that end due to everyday circumstances don’t usually bring in money at the box office. (A rare exception is the 2016 musical film “La La Land,” but storylines about “ordinary” relationships are difficult to portray in an engaging way). While dramatic stories of epic love fulfill our need for entertainment, movies are rarely an accurate example of how real-life relationships work.
Romantic relationships aren’t just love stories; they are working partnerships that depend on a mixture of love, attraction, dedication, compatibility, communication styles, shared interests, corresponding goals and so many things that romantic comedies won’t teach you. Committing to a lifelong partnership is a colossal decision, and we are constantly learning more about ourselves while we get to know our partners. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but love alone is rarely strong enough to sustain a relationship.
As a goal-oriented person who approaches every opportunity with a mindset of progress, I see how easy it is to frame relationships as a matter of success versus failure. However, relationships are not a linear path with a clear destination; they are constantly fluid and evolve in different directions as people grow into their current selves.
Some breakups do occur due to personal shortcomings. But sometimes, two people enter a relationship with the best intentions and grow to love each other deeply, only to find that at some point, their lives aren’t running in the same direction. This does not mean that the relationship was a failure; it only means that the circumstances – whether internal or external – were not ideal for building a lifelong partnership.
In some cases, breaking up can actually be an act of great kindness. It takes incredible courage to end a relationship in which both partners care deeply for each other. Sometimes love is not about fighting to maintain a relationship that doesn’t work, but about letting someone go because you know it won’t work in the long run. That’s not the movie ending audiences want to see, but it’s real and it’s beautiful even if it’s difficult. Let’s stop treating breakups as a tragedy and start seeing them as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.