There’s this guy who treats me like a queen, is super nice, and just an all around amazing guy — yet I find myself more into this other guy who is an absolute jerk. What’s wrong with me?
-Susie LikesajerkA lot is wrong with you, actually — get your life together. People at our age tend to be intrigued or attracted to people that display harsh or jerk-like behavior towards them or others. You, for example, are finding yourself less into the guy who treats you well and really likes you, but are more attracted to the jerk that doesn’t show any strong feelings for you. Because of this guy’s lack of care for you, you feel an urge to make him want you. Having such thoughts as, “His lack of emotion is oh so sexy,” is absolutely nonsensical and unfair to you.
Advice on this subject is difficult because in order to fix this unhealthy need for liking a tool, some introspection is necessary. In other words, think rationally and realize that the nice guy, or Sweetie McCheeserson, may be a hopeless romantic — but you would have a much more fulfilling relationship with him as opposed to Pompous McGee.
Now don’t get me wrong here, feistiness in the opposite sex is a turn-on and it is good to have comfort displaying sarcasm to your partner, but there’s fine line between being playfully sarcastic and, pardon my French, an asshole.
It may be difficult to do, but you could try teaching the nice guy to me more facetious and cocky. Introduce him to comedians like Jerry Seinfeld, who is cynical about women but still a sweet guy. Or buy him a book titled “Nice Guys Can Finish First: Just Hide Your Emotions Until I Show Mine.”
And no, that was not a serious piece of advice. Yes, the nice guy should refrain from saying how in love with you he is on the second date and should let you be your own person. But if he gives nice compliments when you are out to dinner such as, “You look gorgeous tonight,” or “You are the sexiest woman I have ever laid eyes on,” don’t be afraid to revel in the fact that he thinks you are wonderful and desirable.
Let me ask you a question, Miss Likesajerk: imagine it’s your one-year anniversary. Who would you rather have as your boyfriend? The nice guy, who makes you dinner, picks out the spiciest bouquet of flowers, writes you a song, and basically just does everything he can to make your day special? OR a boyfriend who forgets the dinner date you planned, because he was too busy having his real one-year anniversary with Halo 3 (for the record, Halo is amazing)?
All in all, the main message I want you to take away from this is that you should do your best to not let the nice guy finish last, because on any given day, well maybe except for the Super Bowl, he will do his darndest to put you first.