Taurus: April 1- May 22
In your rush to get to class, you’ll stumble across a penny. Don’t pick it up! That crust on the copper isn’t rust. Gemini: May 22- June 22
It is unwise to hide in the closet when your roommate comes home tonight. You know that only makes her uncomfortable.
Cancer: June 22- July 23
You could look both ways before crossing College Ave. OR you couldn’t, and then you wouldn’t be in so much debt to your future alma mater.
Leo: July 23- August 24
Sometimes there comes a time when you have to decide whether or not to sell your soul. Too bad yours was only worth the cost of one book at the Conk.
Virgo: August 24- September 23
That door you always run into? Even funnier when you look surprised.
Libra: September 23- October 23
Have you checked your bank account lately? Maybe you should. Unless you really did purchase 100 lawn flamingos.
Scorpio: October 23- November 23
Steal your friends’ Sharpie markers this weekend. Just because you fall asleep first on the weekend doesn’t mean you have to be a human canvas. Try to collect all the colors!
Sagittarius: November 23- December 22
That little dance you do in celebration of finishing your paper? Close your drapes next time.
Capricorn: December 22- January 21
Be forewarned: if you show off your flexibility skills while playing Twister, he’ll never stop calling.
Aquarius: January 21- February 19
Party like an animal this weekend but avoid hiding in the bushes. It’ll be hard to explain those scratches to your significant other.
Pisces: February 19- March 20
Uoy oughtth siht wsa gniog ot eb a trrebile preidtcoin dndit’ uoy.
Aries: March 20- April 1
Learn from your mistakes, of which introducing your current boyfriend to your ex-girlfriend may have been one.